It was the summer of 1998 and I was holidaying on my favourite island with my best friend Niamh. We were catching up on some well-earned R & R on the beach when I surprised her – and indeed myself – by stating that I was finally ready to settle down, to meet someone. It was two weeks before my 30th birthday and I was ready.
The night before this conversation, just a short taxi ride away, there was a lively party going on and the host of the evening was in search of love – he had divorced two years earlier and having settled in Mallorca he was now ready to meet Ms. Right! But even with more than 80 people at the party, he did not find her.
On the Monday evening, Niamh and I had dinner in Portals and, just as we were about to head back to our hotel, she suggested a nightcap. We went into Havana Moon and had positioned ourselves close to the bar when a German guy asked my friend for a light for his cigarette. He proceeded to chat to us and proved to be an entertaining guy. After some time, he asked “Oh, did you meet my friend Georg?” I looked across the room to where he was pointing and thought “he looks interesting”. So Georg joined us and we chatted about Ireland, as he had been there some years before, and then he asked me “what are you looking for in a man?” and as I stopped to think about it, I looked into his eyes and said: “I’m looking for a man who can challenge my mind.” He responded that he would like to try!
Six months later, I moved to Mallorca and we married in 2000 and have a beautiful life with our daughter Eva. Georg has since helped some of my single friends to find their own happy ending with some useful tips.
Here is some advice on how to find Mr or Ms Right:
- By nature, men are hunters – they want to be the one who does the chasing, not the other way around. So girls, give the guy a chance to ask for your number and let him do the calling!
- The Rules, published in 1995, contains rules that are as relevant today as they were back then – see below for more details.
- Value your own self-worth and what you have to offer in a relationship. Too many singles (particularly women) put themselves down and feel that they are not worthy of finding a good partner. First step: you need to believe in your self-worth before others can believe in you.
- Ask your friends for help. One of the most successful ways of meeting someone is through friends arranging dinner parties and inviting their other single friends……
- Accept invitations to go out whenever possible – you never know when you are going to meet Mr. Right (remember if I had not agreed to go with my friend for a nightcap I might never have had my happy ending). You need a circle of friends to go out with; better if these friends are also single, but avoid going out in groups – its too intimidating for someone to ask you out….
- Put yourself in an accessible position when you are out so that it’s easy to chat to other people.
- The biggest growth rate for social media is women between the ages of 40 and 65. Use all the resources available to you: get some great photos done and put them out there. Check out dating websites; do your research; speak to others who have tried this before; decide where you should arrange the first meeting, and get a-pay-as-you-go mobile so the number is only for this purpose. Be sensible and enjoy!
- Over-dressing – either too expensively, too fashionista or too masculine – are all no, no’s for attracting the opposite sex. You can be stylish, informal and casual – the most important thing is that you are approachable. Be feminine – long hair, red lipstick, skirts or dresses (no trousers), and heels – make the most of what you’ve got.
- Don’t tell your life story in the first five minutes. Be a little mysterious but keep it honest too.
- Men are not looking for a platonic relationship, whereas many women are. Figure out what you really want in a relationship and the qualities you want in a partner – so that you don’t waste time with Mr or Ms Wrong!
And most of all, believe that there is someone special out there waiting for you and you are going to meet him very soon.
THE RULES… by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider
- Don’t make the first move – let him do the chasing and let him pay for dinner if he wants.
- Don’t call him, and rarely return his call. Always end phone calls first.
- Don’t accept a Saturday night date after a Wednesday.
- Always end the date first.
- Stop dating him if he doesn’t buy you a romantic gift for your birthday or Valentine’s Day.
- Don’t see him more than once or twice a week in the beginning.
- No more than casual kissing on the first few dates – don’t rush into sex.
- Don’t tell him what to do – let him take the lead.
- Don’t expect a man to change, or try to change him
- Don’t open-up too fast
- Don’t live with a man (or leave your things in his apartment) if he hasn’t asked you to . . .
- Be easy to live with – that means compromising and making room for the other person in your life.